You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
