Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
