xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
