dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
