I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
