I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
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