Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
