Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
