I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
