How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
