She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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