At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
