i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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