Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
