Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
