I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
