I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
