Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
