please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
