my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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