I cockslap morals
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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