if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
