Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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