I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
