Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
