What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
