the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
