i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
