i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
