when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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