Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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