She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
