i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
