i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
