Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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