I just made out with a guy for $7.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
