I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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