I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my phone needs a breathalizer
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
