Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
