So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
