I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My feet surprised me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
