you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
