the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it's like iHOP with fire
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
