help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
