You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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