In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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