so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
