No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
