guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
