If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
