and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
