She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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