I hope mine doesn't look like that
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Randomize
